In Relevance, a book on Pirkei Avot for the twenty-first century, Rabbi Dan Roth choses to focus on 24 mishnayot (paragraphs or verses) rather than explain all of them. In a chapter entitled “Beyond Is the Chicken Kosher?“, he focuses on the personnal connection each Jew should develop with a rav.
Rabbi Roth stresses that your rav is someone who knows you personally and will therefore help you in decision making by adapting his answer to your character and potential. He adds that, in the digital age we live in, we might be tempted to rely on “Ask the Rabbi” forums and discard the idea of having a “real and meaningful relationship” with our rabbi. Something which is clearly a mistake. Whatever the advantages of online shiurim and halakhic discussions, nothing can replace a personal rav.
Rabbi Roth also highlights that the Hebrew expression (aseh lecha rav), literally “make for yourself a rav”, involves an active process, a conscious initiative even an effort. He then suggests ways to initiate and develop such a relationship.
Thus he recalls how a friend offered to drive his rabbi to his various engagements and how the informal time they spent together tightened their connection. Similarly he cites Rabbi Dovid Morgenstern who used to walk to shul with his rabbi every day.
The question that arose as I was reading the chapter was “What if you are a woman?”. Which takes us back to the title of this chapter, almost, “Is the Chicken Kosher?”. This question alludes to what a woman would ask the rav in Jewish communities when the kitchen was killed by the local shochet, not killed and processed in a factory. Whenever there was a doubt on the kashrut of the animal, it was taken to the rabbi – sometimes by the woman who was going to prepare it – for inspection. Such stories can be found in Singer’s works.
Rabbi Roth’s insights however do not seem to take into account the fact that a woman too should make herself a rav and the tips he gives on how to acquire one are clearly not for women. Yet we, too, have specific and individual questions and interrogations. Moreover, in all Jewish shuls, there are single women and single moms who need spiritual guidance. This omission probably reflects a difficulty, sometimes even a reluctance, to admit and thus address the changes and diversity within the Jewish community.
4 Comments
July 7, 2008 at 10:09 am
I have a single woman friend who used to call her rabbi with some detailed kashrut question or another. I think she did a good job of connecting in this way. Yesterday I spoke to her on the phone, and she told me details on El Al’s kashrut, information I am sure she acquired because she is inquisitive and not afraid to ask rabbis questions! This method works for her, anyway.
July 7, 2008 at 4:17 pm
You know, we were discussing having a rav over on Jewsbychoice.org some time ago … I’ll have to post this up over in the comments there
And I’ll have to read the book, too!
July 7, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Sounds like a wonderful book. I had a relatively easy time getting to know my rav in America, since he sponsored my conversion and we had numerous opportunities to study and work together over the years. Although I made aliyah two years ago, he remains my posek on many subjects, particularly midot. But for these, and other practical issues, I look forward to moving to a new community in Israel next month with a rabbi I’ve admired for years–hooray! A wonderful new rav!
July 7, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Leora: My own rav is in Paris so I email him whenever I have a question to ask. He always answers very quiclkly. I guess I am lucky.
Chavi: Could you post the link here?
Shimshonit: All the best in your new community. Keep us informed.